


Grief

by tqpannie



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Drabble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-01-18
Updated: 2006-01-18
Packaged: 2018-10-25 13:30:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10765218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tqpannie/pseuds/tqpannie
Summary: Minerva reflects on forty years with Albus.





	Grief

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Annie, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Quidditch Pitch](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Quidditch_Pitch), which went offline in 2015 when the hosting expired, at a time I was not able to renew it. I contacted Open Doors, hoping to preserve the archive using an old backup, and began importing these works as an Open Doors-approved project in April 2017. Open Doors e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Quidditch Pitch collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thequidditchpitch/profile).

  
Author's notes: Written for [](http://www.livejournal.com/userinfo.bml?user=sola_tira)[**sola_tira**](http://www.livejournal.com/users/sola_tira/) as her Christmas gift. I hope you enjoy. This was an odd one for me to write. *wibbles nervously*  


* * *

Minerva McGonagall sat alone in her quarters at Hogwarts as tears slowly trickled down her cheeks. She had kept her chin up for the sake of the students, she had kept her composure in front of The Minister of Magic, and she had comforted Hagrid for a good bit before retiring to her quarters.  
  
She sat by the window, staring out into the dark sky, and her heart clenched when Fawkes stopped singing. _Albus was gone…really gone_ She thought as she wiped the tears streaming down her cheeks.  
  
He had been her rock for forty years, her friend, her companion, and the love of her life. Her mind wandered to the day he confessed that he loved her too and she remembered the day he proposed to her and she was forced to turn him down. She had been worried about propriety…what would it look like to the students if there were married Professors. What kind of example would they be setting? Now—at this moment—she wishes she could go back and change her answer.  
  
The tears continued to flow and she realized she was not only weeping for what she lost but what she never had; the children they should have shared, the right to show their love in public, and she didn't have the right to grieve as a wife grieved. She had given up that right the moment she turned him down.  
  
Yet, through it all he still loved her. There were stolen moments in the summer time, long walks by the lake, there were nights of pleasure, and even when they hurt each other they always managed to find their way back to each other.  
  
He was her first kiss, her only lover, and her best friend. She respected him, she would have laid her life down for him, and she believed in him. What were they to do without him? How was she supposed to resume life tomorrow knowing she would never see the twinkle in his eyes, never hear the amusement in his voice, and never feel his lips on hers again? How was she supposed to be strong for those seeking guidance from her when she was lost herself?  
  
Forty years ago a young woman was afraid to take a chance and now an old woman was afraid to let go—for if she admitted that Albus was truly gone a part of her would die along with him. Albus did not fear death but she did…She feared what Albus' death would mean to the school he loved so much, the children he sheltered, and she cursed out loud when she realized that love was in the end what caused Albus to die.  
  
Albus believed in second chances, he believed in love, and he believed in Severus Snape. He was protecting the Malfoy boy when he should have put a stop to the madness. He believed that good wins and she use to believe it. Tonight had proved otherwise and her anger swelled inside her. How dare he do this to them, to her? How dare he leave when she they still needed him? She dimly heard the brandy decanter shatter behind her as her anger swelled and bubbled over. How could he be so inconsiderate? How could he have believed Severus after what Severus had done? Why did he put so much faith in Draco Malfoy making the right choice? How could he do this when the Order needed him, when Harry needed him, and when she still needed him?  
  
As angry as she was she would do anything to have him back—she would make a deal with the devil if she had to. She longed for one last chance to set things right between them—to take his name—to be the wife she should have been these last forty years. She would not hide behind her excuses and she would shout it from the highest turret in the castle if she had the chance.  
  
She moved to the window and watched the dawn break across the horizon. In just a few hours she would have to face the students, their parents, and there were arrangements to be made. She had to accept that she would never see him again but something he told her many years ago echoed in her head.  
  
 _"To the well organized mind, death is but the next great adventure."_  
  
Minerva McGonagall summoned a brandy and lifted her glass high into the air.  
  
"Goodbye Albus," she whispered as the sun broke across the sky. "You were loved."  
  
She swallowed hard, dried her tears, and went to get ready for the new day that was dawning.  
  
Just as he would have wanted her to.


End file.
